It’s an anecdote I found completely bizarre. Until I heard it from multiple clients. I suspect you have experienced it, too:
There are employees who simply walk out of the room when conversations with bosses or customers get the least bit tense. If they are criticized in any way, they literally stand up and walk out.
When they walk out, it’s not a sign that they have quit. In fact, it hasn’t crossed their minds that they have crossed a line.
How many times have you had to teach an employee something you really thought their parents would have taught them?
How many times have you had to teach an employee something you really thought their parents would have taught them?
Another example: Employees are making rash statements on social media or at the workplace. In some cases, they are betraying the confidences of others. More often, they are blowing off steam–and the words will come back to haunt them.
To those on the outside, it seems childish: “He should know better,” I often hear managers say. They should know better on many fronts:
How to control emotions in tense situations.
How to carry on a conversation instead of looking at a smart phone.
How to dress professionally and not for the club.
How to think rationally instead of emotionally.
And so on.
What is going on here? They have never been taught these skills.
“I’m depraved on account I’m deprived!”
It’s the famous line from “West Side Story,” shown here uttered by the immortal Russ Tamblyn. (Seriously, have you seen his weirdness as Dr. Jacoby in Twin Peaks? His athletic dancing as Gideon in “Seven Brides for Seven Brothers?” Immortal, I tell you!)
It’s funny … but are people depraved because they’re deprived?
While it sounds like the kind of stereotype an arch-conservative would use, it is real: I once had a professing Christian tell me couldn’t help abusing a child because he grew up with parents who were cold and distant.
It sounds like a lack of personal responsibility. And it is. Don’t see this post as excusing bad behavior but explaining it.
There is an ancient example of this kind of explanation: the book of Judges. Scripture tells us that, as the Israelites walked farther away from God, each generation got progressively worse in their behavior. Decisions that “felt right” ended up in child sacrifice, bride kidnapping and more.
The theme of the book: “Those were in the days Israel had no king; everyone did what was right in their own eyes.”
But let’s save daddy issues and personal responsibility for a spiritual advice blog I promise to never inflict upon the world.
Instead let’s acknowledge that some employee behavior, while not depraved, is certainly inappropriate. And these employees have been deprived of mentoring, training and examples. They don’t know any better.
That’s where you come in.
In the next blog post, I’ll introduce you to two questions that can guide your recruiting, orientation, training and ongoing coaching.