(Many thanks to a potential new client last week for this post. She asked a question that led to the following revelation–funny how questions do that. …)
Last week I was surprised to realize that most of my really engaged clients, the ones who make the most of the coaching relationship, are young … on a fast track for management … and female.
I brought this up to a client, and she said, “Well sure, girls are better at asking for help than boys.”
Many, especially men, see asking for help as a display of weakness.
But we are all weak. We all need help.
It reminds me of something Plato has Socrates say in his Republic:
… our words and behavior should be designed to maximize the control the inner man has within us … as a farmer tends to his crops–by nurturing and cultivating its tame aspects, and by stopping the wild ones growing.
Plato’s republic
The full quote has references to a metaphor about this “inner man” needing to tame an inner monster within us. I took it out to focus on the other metaphor: farming.
Imagine you saw a beautiful garden, with dark, rich earth sprouting rows of lush, full plants covered in vegetables. It would be foolish to think, “What strong earth. This is a lovely garden that happened to spring up here.”
Weeds want to spring up, too. Self-destructive behaviors. Limiting beliefs. False mindsets. Dysfunctional communication.
Good farmers “stop the wild ones growing.” Weeding takes hard, hard work: a sore back, sweat of the brow, stained fingers, dirty clothes. Every day.
What does weeding look like in your life?
- Do you have somebody to hold you accountable?
- Do you actively seek out feedback–and act on it?
- Do you have a coach?
Those are three ways to weed, and they work well in tandem with each other.
(And here’s a tip: If you’re going to hire a coach, make sure that coach gets the concept that we all need to be working on ourselves. Does the coach have a coach?)
Whatever you plan on doing, do it today. Weeds get harder to uproot every day.