If you treat somebody like a child, they may act like a child.
That’s why my podcast cohost Mike Marshall says good managers drop the attitude of “I’m just running a daycare. I’m a glorified babysitter.” (Read more about it in his book “Coaching Amplified!“)
But it is easy to see why a manager might be frustrated to the level of feeling like a babysitter.
Have you noticed that, much like children, you can’t make employees do anything?
Oh, sure, you could threaten firings, dock pay, raise pay, etc. But those carrots and sticks don’t really work long-term, do they?
If the threats are empty, eventually they are ignored. If the threats are carried out, it motivates behavior for a while … but then old habits reemerge, along with some masked resentment and other nasty workplace cancers.
I had really good parents, and I thought I’d be better at it than I am. I’m embarrassed to tell you that I didn’t realize I could scream until I had kids. God is using the experience to humble me as I learn to take care of these four precious souls made in his image.
But, seriously. Managers want people to show up on time, follow a process … I want dirty clothes in a hamper.
Why can’t they just own those tasks?
Enter Dr. Henry Cloud.
I had the privilege of hearing Cloud speak about his book “Boundaries for Leaders.” His stories about coaching Wall Street executives and many others were incredibly practical and engaging. My colleagues turned his presentation into five 7-minute nuggets. We are still sharing them with clients years after the speech.
He has some advice for my parenting and your managing:
Second, get rid of your parental anger and over-reactions. A lot of blame and excuses are motivated by a child trying to ward off what feels like an attack or an onslaught of shame and badness from the parent. If you keep your cool while you correct them, it will keep this from happening and keep the focus on their behavior, not your out of control reactions. Children need to know that their behavior is the problem, vs. an out of control parent being the main thing they need to worry about. Keep your cool, and take a time out if needed before you respond. It will help the child to not think that you are the problem and will make them focus on their own behavior.
Read the whole article. There are lots of learnings for anybody trying to teach responsibility–to kids or employees.