Do you ever flatter? Perhaps a boss or coworker?
You’re worse than an adulterer or murder.
Don’t take my word for it. Ask Dante.
Swimming in poop
When Dante Alighieri wrote his Divine Comedy, he imagined an orderly hell.
The damned are categorized into nine downward circles: garden-variety non-Christians at the top all the way down to Satan at the bottom.
The punishment of each circle of hell fits the circle’s particular category of sin.
For example, those who indulged all the wayward passions of lust are condemned to be buffeted eternally by winds from all directions. Those who lived as hypocrites are condemned forever to wear beautiful gilded robes that are actually made of crushing lead.
Almost all the way to the bottom, in the eighth circle, Dante places the flatterers.
The flatterers, yes, lower than adulterers and murderers, are condemned to wallow in a pit of excrement.
Yes, they swim in poop.
The imagery is obvious. We still use it, after all.
Brown noser.
B.S.-er.
If you’ve had to potty train a child, you can appreciate how Dante’s imagery jars and disturbs.
If you don’t get rid of excrement, it will smell. It will attract disease. It will burn and inflame skin.
Dante’s implication is that, since what flatterers tell on earth isn’t true, it’s not just worthless but worse than worthless.
It poisons and ruins, just like filth.
When we flatter someone, we praise with deceit.
“Great job,” even though it wasn’t.
“I love how you did that,” despite the fact that there are glaring opportunities to address.
“You’re such a good X,” when everybody knows Y is what’s needed.
We might do this to get in someone’s good graces–a boss, for instance.
We might do this to avoid upsetting someone with the truth–a coworker, perhaps.
Either way, everyone involved will pay a price.
Poisoning others
Flattery is intoxicating. Who doesn’t like to hear they are well thought of? That they do good? That they are good?
But since it’s a lie, the intoxication of flattery is poison.
The further you are removed from the truth, including hard truth, the less effective you navigate personal relationships, business strategy and everything in between.
Listening to flattery means running on false intel.
When someone or some organization has an overly high opinion of themselves, you’ll sometimes hear others say, “They’re reading their own press clippings.”
I used to work in PR, and I suppose nobody keeps actual press clippings like we did. But in the case of flattery, if you’re reading those press clippings, it’s fake news.
Clarity is kindness. As the ancient Jewish proverb says,
Faithful are the wounds of a friend;
Proverbs 27:6
profuse are the kisses of an enemy.
Real friends tell the truth, even if it hurts. Real friends don’t let those around them make bad decisions, continue in bad behaviors or buy lies. Those decisions, behaviors and outlooks lead to all sorts of negative consequences we would never wish on our friends.
Dante died in the 1300s. Another Italian, Niccolò Machiavelli, wrote about flattery in the 1500s. His “The Prince” is a royal’s guide to politics. It is a cynical look at how life works, a “the end justifies the means” kind of outlook.
And yet, here is the title to his chapter on flattery:
“How Flatterers Should Be Avoided.”
To this day we call someone who manipulates to get what they want “Machiavellian.” Yet Machiavelli himself thought flattery so dangerous that he took a chapter to spell out a strategy against it.
Poisoning ourselves
The real irony is that flattery is a danger for the flatterer as much as for the person receiving flattery.
Once you are known as someone who praises by bending the truth to ingratiate yourself to others, you are damaged goods.
You have officially put a limit on your relationships, both in your career and your personal life.
At worst, your credibility and authority are ruined. They know you lie. They may interact with you, but that doesn’t mean they trust you completely.
At best, you’re a laughingstock. The brown noser.
If you are surrounded by flatterers, maybe your workplace needs an overhaul. Vulnerability of the leader is a good place to start. So is ensuring employees feel safe enough to tell you the truth and to be themselves.
If you need help retraining your speech to be more honest, a good place to start is, first, the Bible, and, second, the book “Crucial Conversations.” We have a number of podcasts and downloads for the book to help you get started.
May you be a friend who wounds, not an enemy who kisses.
You don’t want to be around that brown stuff forever.